


For me to share, for you to keep

by LivingInABox



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Casual Sex, Gay Sex, Implied Past Abuse, Implied Past Rape, Implied Rimming, Lots of Touching, M/M, Raven Neil, Riko is still an ass, blowjob, kinda referencing Queer as Folk, sorta not hardcore or anything, um I don't really think there's anything else, underaged drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-24 21:21:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7523605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LivingInABox/pseuds/LivingInABox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathaniel doesn’t swing. Because he is a Raven and property of the Moriyama.<br/>Neil Josten, however, still hits the club every week, cruising for willing victims.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For me to share, for you to keep

**Author's Note:**

> Okay first, tfc is serious and deal with a lot of sensitive topics. I would like to point out heavily that this is a self indulgent fic. I have tried to include some speck of the original Andreil. But many of their interactions in here and their emotional development can’t be logical if we’re going for authentic Andrew and Neil. I mean come on a Neil that hit the club every week, pffft. I think everyone in the fandom categorized Neil as demisexual, well my friend, he is full blown gay and horny in here, so please don’t kill me. I wanted to write something different than the usual Raven Neil. Yes, Raven Neil because canon Andreil is so fucking perfect that no fanfic I ever write or read would come to par with the original. And I like Raven Neil… Second, some detail might be incorrect, sorry beforehand. Third, there might be triggers still in here so please read the tag carefully before you read. I mean I don’t really think there’s anything too bad in this. I have tried to tag everything that I think might be triggering? But I don’t think you’ll be in the fandom if you can’t handle the book. But idk man, I have an emotional range of a teaspoon.  
> Well I hope you enjoy~

For the first time since the official season started, Nathaniel was able to sneak out of his shared room in the Nest. Not because he was stealthy or anything, but Riko went on a rampage, leaving everyone battered and bruised and in needed of their precious allowance of sleep more than usual. He got his fair share of cuts and hurts all over, but that has been the norm far too long, he didn’t feel the sting nor the ache in his ribs anymore. Neither did he remembered what was it like to feel. Something. Anything. And he had searched deep within him every time Riko’s sardonic smile loomed over him and a sharp blade drew blood on his skin, but nothing ever came up. He can’t afford to when it meant instant death in the hierarchy that the Raven had established for themselves. So he forced everything in a box, and locked it tight in his chest and hoped the chain will never break. Occasionally fear slipped away and showed in his eyes, when the blade pressed too close, too deep and he heard his father’s manic laugh in his head.

 

Jean knew his habit by now. He had almost rat on Nathaniel when they first got assigned together. But a jaw in the face and a knife in his ribs with Nathaniel’s harsh snarl and he finally understood that they’ll be punished together if Jean can’t keep his mouth shut for one night. Eventually it ended up with Jean tried to convince Nathaniel to stay each time, but still covered for his lack of absence in case someone come by. Nathaniel supposed he wasn’t being fair, but in his defense, he had invited Jean to go along with him - they might as well as getting a kick out of life before getting beaten to a pulp, since that would  happen anyway regardless of whether Nathaniel went on his extracurricular activity or not. Tonight, Jean was too tired and hurt to really say anything and went straight to bed, but not after giving him a warning stare when he found Nathaniel pulling on his boots and jackets. “If he come for you, you’re on your own,”

 

“He won’t. Kevin’s with him.” Nathaniel slipped in the contact last before combing his fingers through black hair that was slightly crisp from the hair gel “You like?”

 

Jean took in his sight with a crinkle of his nose. But there was a curve to his lips. “Just remember one of my fucking ribs is broken, so come home early,”

 

Nathaniel lifted a hanging Raven poster next to his desk and almost snorted. Home. As if this place could be considered so. But Jean was home. So he shrugged, “That seems quite uneven, tell me once the other one break too,” taking the hard wood out from behind the poster to reveal a hole, just big enough for him to crawl into the space between the walls.

 

“Asshole.” Jean said, but Nathaniel can detect fondness in his voice, so he let the darkness consumed him after giving Jean a middle finger salute and climbed to the surface, leaving Nathaniel Wesninski in the Nest of the Raven and walked the street as Neil Josten.

 

\--

 

The bouncer waved him in as soon as he arrived and gave him an appreciative pat on the back where a racket had slammed into him earlier in the day. Neil tensed and it throbbed under his clothes, but he hid his wince on habit and let the thump thump of the music carried him into a crowd of people.

 

Nite Light was the same as every other clubs on this street, loud bass music, flashing lights, decent drinks, but it was Neil’s favorite because it was also equipped with a backroom, quite convenience for someone like him. The entrance led to the dance floor with tight knit, writhing bodies that made anyone going to the bar sweaty by the time they get through or they’d get lost in the music and never make it there. Near the walls were private booths, good enough for slipping a few packs of E around but too open for a quickie in his opinion. There were also tables near the bar with very limited stools, but some liked standing or leaning against someone rather than dancing, which to him was a waste of time. Why go clubbing if you were not going to dance? The bar had some stools, but unless he was chatting up a bartender, Neil never lingered too long, preferring the dance floor instead. Or the backroom. Not exactly in that order. But today he let himself be swallowed by the mass of people and closed his eyes, feeling the thumps in his veins.

 

The world was spinning. Light was dragging around the ceiling. Limbs brushed against his and clothes clung to him in sweats. He raised his arms above his head and heard laughs and yells and saw people smiling. A tall boy caught his eyes and held them as Neil took in his tall form, tan skin and dark, curly hair. Tan boy was dancing with a blonde, but blondie hasn’t seemed notice that his dancing partner was eyeing someone else instead. Tan boy was also lean with biceps bulging underneath his sleeves, and his shirt rode up when he danced, exposing a tight stomach with dark hair leading down to his pants that promised a lot more of goods were coming. This one for tonight, he decided.

 

Neil felt his lips twitch to a smirk and kept his eyes on tan boy still as he made his way over. Tan boy spotting a smile of his own when Neil reached out a hand and tugged the boy to him by his shirt. Blondie looked up for a moment then rolled his eyes and went back to dancing and tan boy was already in Neil’s arms with his arms on Neil’s shoulders. They danced together, but it was more like rutting their bodies for the friction and fire the movement created between them. Neil lost almost half a foot, standing next to tan boy, but he was able to breath in his scent, and traced his lips to tan boy’s ears. “You need to tell me your name or otherwise I’ll keep calling you Tan boy,” He slid his hands up from the boy’s hips to feel under his shirt, but just enough to show his intention.

 

The boy huffed a laugh, “Nicky,” his voice was light and bubbly, not exactly what Neil would have preferred, but it was doable.

 

“So Nicky, you want to keep dancing or are we moving onto the real fun?” Neil drew back to watch Nicky’s expression as it morphed into a knowing grin.

“Lead the way, stranger in the night,” He didn’t ask for Neil’s name, probably was in a relationship, and not putting a name with a face will keep his mind free of guilt for playing around on his blondie boyfriend. But it didn’t matter as Neil took his hands and led him to the backroom.

 

The backroom at Nite Light was a dark room situated in the opposite of the entrance, its own entrance was covered with a plastic curtain. The real door, however, was always opened unless the cops decided to poke around. There were people against the wall. Some were lucky and got the few plastic lounge chairs. Neil personally found those things disgusting, never knowing who came on them and how many times and if the staff had cleaned those up or not. So he pushed a bewildered Nicky against a wall and pressed close to him.

 

“Don’t tell me you’re scared?” Neil taunted, though feeling Nicky’s aroused bulge in his pants.

 

“What? No, this was just…. Unusual,” He breathed out, watching a couple of boys fucking against the wall. Moans bounced off the tight space, and there were girls’ high pitch whining as well. “We've never been to a club like this back at our place,” Poor big boy, feeling overwhelm, but Neil didn’t exactly care for his sudden awe when he cupped Nicky’s ass and rutted the front of their pants together, dragging out a sudden gasp from the taller boy.

 

“So are we doing this or not?”

 

“Hell, yes,” And Neil kissed his jaw down to his neck as he pulled loose Nicky’s belt and unbuttoned his jean. Nicky leaned his head back when Neil pulled his cock free.

 

“You’re not trying to kiss me,” It was more of an amused observation than an accusation as Neil palmed the length in his hand. “Boyfriend’s rule or am I not good enough?” He asked as he pressed his thumb against the slit of Nicky’s cock, feeling it throbbed and grew heavily in his hand.

 

“Boyfriend,” Nicky choked up when Neil started to tug hard, getting faster by the second with the aid of the precum leaking out of the tip.

 

“You’re quite naughty, cheating on your boy like this,” and Neil went down on his knees and took Nicky in, muffling any other explanations and replaced them with pleased groans.

 

\--

 

“Where’s Nicky?” Andrew Minyard asked his twin when the other got back to their table without their cousin. His brother downed the last of the drink as he complained.

 

“Off with some kid doing the fag nasty, I don’t know, don’t he got a boyfriend or something in Germany?” Andrew didn’t answer him and turned his attention back to the boy beside him, who after blurting out what seemed to be his biggest secret have slumped on the table, baring his neck in enemy’s territory. He probably hadn’t know the significance of what he had said due to the alcohol, and when he realized it, he’ll freak. But Andrew didn’t care much, but these were exploitable information, so he kept on his uncaring face and waited for the other boy to say something else.

 

“Go buy some more drink Aaron,” Aaron didn’t take order lightly, but he took the tray and nodded to the boy on Andrew’s left.

 

“You made a new friend while I was gone, too?”

 

“None of your business,” Andrew’s stare prompted Aaron to keep his mouth shut and he left with the tray.

 

\--

 

Nicky came into his mouth without a warning, but Neil didn’t want his black clothes to stain white, so he held the bitter liquid in his mouth before spitting it out onto the floor when Nicky was done.

 

“Shit, sorry,” Nicky gathered his breaths when Neil stood, dusting off his knees and wiping his mouth with a grimace. But he wasn’t going to blame it all on this one-night stand novice. He was at fault for not clearing it up before they started. Red and white uniform flashed behind his eyes and he felt hands pushing on his hair and thick liquid hitting his throat. “You felt good, I couldn’t stop it--,”

 

“It’s fine,” He said, fixing Nicky up while chasing his gag away.

 

“Um, did you not want me to--”

 

“I already came in my pants,” It was a lie that Nicky didn’t need to know. Neil had forsaken his arousal when Nicky gripped his shoulders too tight, in favor of not biting down on the flesh before him with sheer will. And he doubt, under normal circumstance, he’d come just from someone’s voice and dick.

 

“You sure?” Nicky tugged on Neil’s jacket. “At least let me buy you a drink as an apology,”

 

“This is a one time thing, you know that right?”

 

“Just as a friend, and stuff, I’d like a gay friend too. I never really have any since my boyfriend doesn’t count,”

 

“Where did you say you were from again?”

 

“South Carolina, but my team was having an exhibition match here, so we’re in town for a few days,” Well no chance of seeing him ever again, so why not? Neil thought he might as well getting something out of a fail pick up.

 

“Team? What do you play?” He let Nicky led him to toward the bar and nodded at a familiar bartender. “My usual, he’ll pay,”

 

“I want a Cosmo,” Nicky added, raising his voice above the music. They stood close, leaning against the bar and almost against each other.

 

“I play Exy for the Palmetto Foxes, granted that it’s my first year, and I’m a sub, but I think I’m pretty decent,” The word Exy shook Neil with an unusual excitement. He had never met an Exy player out of court and never talked to one without the Raven’s trained insults. He tried not to grin, but failed.

 

“We’ll just ignore the part that you’re in the worst team possible. But I like all Exy, what position?” He turned his body facing Nicky after they both have gotten their drinks.

 

“It’s sad that I can’t even dispute that, but I play backliner. When we’re starting for next year, I guarantee you our defense will be bulletproof. See my cousins are playing for the Foxes too,”

Nicky sipped his rainbow drink that made Neil cringed when he saw it before continuing. Neil was happy to just let him talk. It wasn’t as if he got any story that he could share. Unless getting knifed after practice can be count.

 

“Andrew is the goalkeeper, and he’s darn good if he would just try harder. Aaron, the one that was with me before, plays as backliner sub like me.”

 

“I thought he was your boyfriend,”

 

“Blegh, are you kidding me? Even if I wasn’t their cousin, I wouldn’t dare to come near them. Aaron will chop my dick off for being a fag and Andrew is a fucking sociopath. He might enjoy bringing me back to his place and stick his knives in me until I bleed to death,” The knives reference hit too close to home that it brought discomfort onto Neil’s skin. He quickly changed the topic.

 

“So you’re steering off the path of monogamy because your boyfriend isn’t here?” He hoped Nicky didn’t noticed his sudden uneasiness.

 

“If you’re a gay man and you don’t think about sex every 10 minutes, there's something wrong with you,” There was quite a lot of ways Neil can dispute that, first stating that he was prime example. Neil wouldn’t consider himself gay, or straight or any label at all. If the other party was hot, willing and was not a Raven, and had met Neil Josten instead of Nathaniel, he’d fuck them. Nathaniel however will not give a shit and will definitely not think about sex every 10 minutes.

 

“My boyfriend knows what I’m up to, I know what he’s up to, we talk to each other on the phone almost every night. He facetimes me on the weekend and sends me present on my birthday that even I forgot. He’s like the sweetest thing ever and-- shit,” Nicky paused with a deep breath. “I miss him,” He blinked out the shiny glaze in his eyes and turned to Neil with a smile. “Sorry, I tend to go off about him,”

 

“Why can’t you go see him?” Neil asked, humoring Nicky on the Exy turned boyfriend topic since he was the one that started it.

 

“We lived in Germany. But I moved here to be with my cousin and he had to stay with his family. Beside he has a stable career over there, I couldn’t ask him to come with me.” Nicky made move to pull out his phone. He flipped it open and showed Neil his home screen. In the picture, Nicky was leaning against a hunky blonde with deep blue eyes and they were both smiling widely. “This is Erik, the love of my life,” The soft and almost reverend way Nicky spoke about him stirred longing in Neil’s heart. He didn’t understand it, so he carefully stored that piece of feeling in the back of the box inside of his chest, the one that was opened and belonged to Neil, not Nathaniel.

 

He bumped Nicky’s shoulder as if to shake Nicky out of his sentiment. “He’s hot.” And Nicky laughed.

 

“Yeah, I know right?”

 

“Does he play Exy too?” Not knowing what else to say, Neil brought the conversation back to Exy.

 

“He thinks the sport is atrocious because whenever I came home, I spotted bruises,” Nicky laughed into his hand. “But between you and me, he loves it.”

 

Neil smiled “I haven’t met anyone who hates it yet,” Nicky grinned back. “I know one,” He turned around and scanned around the tables, “See that blond guy over there, that’s Andrew, he hates Exy. But he’s so damn good that I don’t care, I just want him to play,”

 

Neil saw someone similar to the blondie from earlier, but he had a different air about him. Aloof, uncaring, and dangerous. His hair was let loose unlike Blondie’s gelled spikes, and he was clad in black like Neil. Though he had on a short sleeves and showed off toned chest and arms that were covered in black bands. A weird feeling started up in Neil’s stomach. As if he knew he was being watched, Andrew turned and looked straight at them, face cool and eyes bored. He looked at Neil for a moment before dragging his eyes up and down Neil’s form without giving away what he was thinking. Neil knew that look. He also liked that look. Without drawing his eyes away from Andrew, as if he was afraid Andrew would attack the second he does, he nudged Nicky with his elbow.

 

“He’s swinging on your team?”

 

“Are you crazy? He’s probably straight, but we never see him with a girl except for Renee, but she doesn’t count. And he hates everyone, so it doesn’t really matter. Why?”

 

“He’s okay on the eyes,”

 

“Okay. First, ew. Second, what the hell is wrong with your taste?”

 

“Whatever. Get me another drink. I’m heading over there,”

 

“No, dude, you don’t understand --he’ll kill you -- it’s a bad idea--” Nicky said in the middle of his order, but Neil had already pushed between people, making his way toward Andrew’s table.

 

\--

 

There wasn’t any club that come to par with Eden’s Twilight in Andrew’s opinion. The only reason they went was because Wymack was losing his shit after Seth’s OD before their match and Matt had beaten someone up for talking trash about them, thus giving them a bad name with the other team, who had wiped the whole court with all of their asses with a score that was an embarrassment to say. Andrew didn’t care much about it, but had detached his group from the Foxes daily drama by borrowing Abby’s rented car and drove them to a popular club in town. The club was shabby, the music suck, and there weren’t enough tables. Andrew had almost turned his heel and walk out if he didn’t spot the most interesting plaything ever since he started attending Palmetto State University.

 

Aaron and Nicky broke off to the dance floor after getting their drinks while he approached a table and its one occupancy.

“Well, isn’t it the champion,” He made sure to lace his voice with as much as venom that his uncaring energy could muster and placed a tray full of hard liquor on the table. “I still remember that wonderful goal you made and then the punch that came after it. Something about not actively protecting my goal hurt your little man’s pride,” He sat down on the other chair and smiled at Kevin Day.

 

Kevin had played the last time the Foxes went to the upper region for an exhibition cup in Andrew’s first year and had lost pitifully even when Wymack put him in the second half. Andrew didn’t try much, neither did most of their teammates since the outcome was obvious, but Kevin was still on full power when he slammed in the last goal, his first goal of the game and Andrew just let it flew by without attempting to catch it. And that bruised his pride after Renee had tried so hard stopping Riko and his consecutive scoring. Kevin punched him and started a fight that involved almost all of the players from both teams. Though the Foxes were there mostly to stop Andrew from killing the son of a bitch.

 

Kevin picked his head up and his face turned sour at the sight of Andrew. “What the fuck are you doing here?” His voice was rough and heavy and he was awfully intoxicated.

 

“Small world, I didn’t think I’ll see you again,” Andrew held up a glass in a mocking cheer and downed it. Kevin drank out of his own bottle of vodka, well he was dramatic and rich the last time Andrew met him.

 

“How’s Wymack doing?” He slurred and grabbed a shot from Andrew’s tray.

 

“What’s with your obsession with Coach? You got the hot for old guys or something?”

 

Kevin glared. It would have been more effective if he wasn’t drunk off his ass and seemed threatening as a dead ant. “He was in pain last time, had some painkiller with him--” He made an attempt to snag another shot off Andrew’s tray but Andrew grabbed it before him.

 

“Buy your own drink,” and as soon as he said that, someone brought Kevin a new bottle. VIP treatment, Andrew was almost amused.

 

“You know-- I can make you into Court player if you’d sign with us, you got so much potential --”

 

“You just ruined my night.”

 

Kevin ignored his remark and went on. “I think if you train under me, you’ll love Exy like you love your mom,”

 

“I don’t love my mom,” The statement felt numbing than anything. Andrew supposed he should have seen Tilda’s face at the reference but he had to force himself to push Cass’s smiling eyes away from his mind.

 

“Well I love my mom,” He giggled and take another long swig that brought the alcohol content down to half of the bottle. “Wymack loved my mom, too, you think he’d let me play if I throw her name around?”

 

Andrew didn’t care about the woman Coach loved, he slightly cared about Kevin wanting to join the Foxes though. He wasn’t sure if it was a drunken joke or an honesty statement from the influence of alcohol.

 

“That way I can train you, while becoming number 1, Riko can go eat shit.” That brought out a laugh out of Andrew. “I’ll make the Foxes into a real Class I team, not the shit rag thing you guys have now,”

 

“Fuuuck...I want to play on his team. I want him to pat me on my back and yell at me for charging a foul,” Kevin slumped against his arms, muttering still. “But I belonged to the Raven… you know I don’t want to be with that bunch of fuck up? Riko is my brother but sometimes he scared me…” And he went silent.

 

Kevin still didn’t pick his head up from the table even after Aaron left. Between his silent and the music hitting the wall, Andrew felt another pair of eyes settled on him. He turned toward the bar and found Nicky leaning against a tiny boy, speaking closely to his ear. Although the boy was only looking at Andrew and Andrew knew that look from Roland when they worked in Eden’s Twilight.

 

Andrew took in the leather jacket covering his torso and ran his eyes down to fitted jeans and a pair of ankle combat boots. His dark hair framed his face and eyes, and contrasted with his white skin. He said something to Nicky before prowled over to Andrew with his drink.

 

“Hey, I heard you’re Nicky’s cousin, Andrew right?” He slid in between the space between Kevin and himself, standing too close for Andrew’s comfort. His own shoulders tensed and he itched to reach for the knife under his arm band, but he tried for the unimpressed look. Although despite of his body’s protest, Andrew’s mind screamed out ‘want him’ against his skull when a whiff of cologne hit his sense.

 

“I’m Neil, you want to dance?” Like an invitation to rub off every strangers in the club enticed him. Andrew gave a terse “No,” and then smirked condescendingly, “you went to chat me up and didn’t bring me a drink?”

 

“You don’t seem to be the type to accept drink from a stranger, not when you aren’t in your in your hometown,” Neil was a little taller than Andrew, but was a little bit lanky. He turned to face Neil fully, letting his legs parted as he tugged Neil closer by his belt loops.

 

“Aren’t you a smart little boy?” Neil hadn’t made any movement to feel Andrew up, so Andrew let his body lose some of its tension, and amused the attractive stranger in front of him.

 

“Beside, I rather we do other thing than drinking,” Neil brought his drink to his lips and licked his lips once he finished the rest of the his drink. He had never wanted anyone in forever, save for Roland. But Andrew had knew Roland before allowing himself to tie Roland up and went down on him. Neil was a stranger and by the rings of contact in his eyes, Andrew doubted he could be trusted. But he looked good. Felt good against Andrew and Andrew will never see him again after tonight. The offer was very tempting.

 

He was distracted from his libido by Kevin moving behind them. Kevin groaned as he rubbed his face and cringed when he took another sip of his vodka.

“Looks like you pick something up while I closed my eyes,” He observed with mild curiosity, but mostly with the ‘I don’t give a fuck’ sentiment.

 

Neil froze suddenly, eyes wide and face paled as sheet. Andrew’s felt his pulse sped up in the wrist that his fingers brushed against. His fingers also bumped across scars and scabs that were healing. In moment where he would be on the roof by himself, mind free of any influence than the nicotine from his cigarette, he’d regret this. He’d regret pulling Neil closer against him, ignoring his own fluttering heart beats and the way his throat was closing up on him. His hand sliding to Neil’s back, below the leather, with a knife he didn’t even realize he had pulled out.

 

Neil, however, have not notice or have chosen to ignore the sharp tip on his back and leaned further against Andrew. He made no movement and felt even smaller than normal in Andrew’s arms. His hands were in his jacket’s pockets, but their close proximity permitted Andrew to feel them shaking.

 

“Fuck off, Kevin,” Andrew overlooked the tightening of his stomach when Neil buried his face in Andrew’s neck and breathed in deeply. Probably to calm himself, but he couldn’t help seeing a big body covering his own, biting against his flesh, leaving purple bruises and teeth marks on his shoulder.

 

Kevin flipped him off while chugging down the rest of his bottle. He stood up after, staggering, but held himself up against the table.

“Whatever, tell Wymack I send my regard,”

 

“I’ll tell him you’ll send him a love letter soon,” But Kevin didn’t hear his taunt and had already disappeared in the sea of people. Neil was still against him and Drake was still on his mind. His body, however, made no change to the uncomfortable position as he caressed the hair on the nape of Neil’s neck. Roland had buzz cut. While Andrew enjoyed the feel of short spikes against his palm, he liked this too.

 

\--

 

Neil knew he should run, leave before Kevin gets back and that he should pretend everything was normal, as if his biggest secret was still his and the risk of being caught was close to zero chance. He’d never thought he’ll see any of his teammate here, let alone Kevin, who Riko never let out of his sight. And that scared Neil too. If Kevin was here, then what was Riko doing? He needed to get back. But Andrew was solid to lean against, not budging under his weight and felt fierce, violent and acted as Neil’s anchor when the floor fell from beneath him. Neil knew about the knife at his back. He felt the tip digging outside of his shirt as well. It was the same, but not the same. Because Riko and his father would have already stuck it in his flesh and twisted it painfully. Neil couldn’t remember the last time someone held him like this since his mother died. It was terrifying, and liberating at the same time for him to give too much of himself to a man he had just met.

 

It felt like forever before Neil steadied himself and drew back from Andrew. He had tried to avoid making eye contact, but he failed as if there was an invisible hand holding his chin up for hazel eyes to assess him.

 

Andrew casually sheathed his knife, wearing nothing but his nonchalant attitude.

“I need a smoke,” He got up and glanced at Neil like he wanted Neil to come. So they left the bar and Neil followed Andrew out to the dark alley behind the building.

 

Neil held himself back a few steps, just enough to be out of Andrew’s reach if anything was going to happen. But they only walked silently before reaching a gray Volkswagen, which Andrew unlocked and plopped down to the driver’s seat. He kept the door open though and pulled out a pack of cigarette, offering one to Neil, and lighted his own, then Neil’s. Neil took the stick almost gratefully and breathed in the smoke deeply, feeling the charred air in his lungs relaxed the knot in his body. Kevin was already slipping away.

 

“Who are you?” Andrew finally asked when Neil leaned against the car.

 

“Neil Josten.”

 

Andrew gave him a look, in which Neil ignored in favor of his cigarette. As if he’d spill that easily.

 

“Then who was running from Kevin Day?” This, this was the right question to ask. But Neil was unsure still, so he stayed silent, thinking up something else to say.

 

“Do you prefer handcuff? I don’t think I enjoy having a knife against me the whole time we fuck,” Riko once held a knife on his neck when Nathaniel refused to let him mark his skin. But sex was a safe topic for Neil to talk about. Some of his previous one night stands had weird as fuck kinks. And after everything else, it was normal and predictable and Neil can handle it.

 

“Who said we’re gonna fuck?” Andrew’s words and action contradicted themselves. They wouldn’t be out here if Andrew was not interested.

 

“What else are we going to do in a dark, empty place?”

 

“I could kill you without witness,”

 

“I know you know better than that. Rented car, and you’ll be leaving soon, when are you going to find the time to bury me six feet under?”

 

“You’re right,” Andrew shook the ash off his cigarette and found Neil’s fake brown orbs. “I rather be blowing you instead,” Neil heart took a leap at the bold and sudden declaration. He wanted to laugh. There was something wrong with this person. And something wrong with Neil for being so attracted to him.

 

In response to Neil’s surprise face, Andrew grind his shoes on the cigarette’s butt and sat in properly. He ordered Neil with one jerk of his head. “Get in.”

 

For lack of better judgement, Neil stubbed out his own cigarette, saving the leftover in his pocket and shut the door to the passenger side. There was a motel nearby and Andrew left as soon as they parked. His only words to Neil were “Take them off before coming up,” and had briefly brushed below Neil’s eyes, sending his lust and wants with one touch and it shook Neil up more than Kevin or Riko ever did.

 

Neil felt his heart hammering in his chest as he followed Andrew up the stairs and brought up his shaking fingers to his eyes when Andrew unlocked their newly acquired room. The door was left open for him as Neil shoved his contact in his pants and stepped in, finally leaving his encounter with Kevin behind when Andrew pressed him against the closed door, breaths brushing his lips as he whispered out.

 

“Yes or no?”

 

\--

 

Nicky called him in the middle of a night with guilt in his voice as he asked if Wymack could come pick them up. He clearly remembered his order for them to stay in as they would be leaving early in the morning, but of course that troublesome lot had to find a club to hang out at until the wee hour of the night. He wasn’t worried until he’d shown up and only Nicky and Aaron got into the car.

 

“Where the fuck is Andrew?”

 

“He left, taking the car to god knows where,” Nicky answered and fastened the seat belt for a drunken Aaron. “We left him alone for a bit, and he was gone when I got there,”

 

“Was with Kevin or something,” Aaron slurred.

 

“Or that other guy, but that’s impossible,” Nicky added under his breath, but Wymack heard him anyway. He made sure to store this new piece of information under the ‘forcing out answer later’ file in his brain.

 

As the boys settled down and they got onto the road back to the hotel, he flipped his phone out and dialed Andrew’s number. It rang for quite a few times before Andrew picked up, out of breath as he mumbled. “Will be back before we leave,” Before he hung up, however, a stray moan was picked up by the receiver and Wymack grumbled, eyebrows scrunched up in annoyance and lips forming a dark scowl. He was not paid enough for this fucking job.

 

\--

 

“Yes,” As soon as the word left his mouth, Andrew claimed it forcefully, digging his teeth in Neil’s lips and suck on them, moving his mouth as if he was spreading Neil’s apart and slid his tongue into the core of Neil Josten. Neil twisted his neck to adjust their angle and opened his mouth in compliance. Andrew wasn’t the only one who wanted to press their mouth closer, harder and eat the other up. Neil had never wanted someone like this before and the needs slightly horrified him.

 

Andrew was hot, grounding and his lips was wet as they kissed. Neil wanted to hold him, wanted to run his hand in Andrew’s hair but the hands that bind his arm against the door were strong and unyielding. He really hated being touched, Neil mused to himself.

 

When Andrew broke off the kiss, breathless, Neil followed him for a second, but pulled back as he realized what Andrew wanted to do. He let Andrew peeled off his jacket and lifted his shirt up above his head, but did not shred it completely when Andrew left it on his arms with a nuzzle at his jaw. “Keep them up. If they aren’t, we’re stopping,” The warm breaths forced him to nod frantically when hands were sliding over his abdomen, on his scars and all the bruises his skin still spotted.

 

Neil never felt so exposed as he did when he saw Andrew staring at his chest while running his hands carefully to avoid any cut that was still healing. He wondered if they were off putting, since they weren’t a pretty sight on any body. And he quietly hoped Andrew wouldn’t stop the way his finger circled Neil’s perking nipples and how he ran his thumb over and pressed against them.

 

Andrew dragged his eyes up to meet Neil’s and as his hands drifted further down, he dropped on his knees, kissing down until he was in front of Neil’s straining jeans. He still looked at Neil when he popped the button open and pulled Neil out with a slow intensity. He still looked at Neil when he wrapped his mouth around the tip of Neil’s cock and twirled his tongue around the slit that was leaking precum.

 

White flashed in Neil’s eyes and his legs had almost gave in on him as he arched against the wall, holding Andrew’s eyes still as he caught his breath over his initial pleasure. Andrew felt so good as he took Neil’s in further, his lips stretching and Neil felt himself hitting the wall of Andrew’s throat. But Andrew kept going and Neil stippled a groan as his toes curled. Andrew finally focused his gaze on the task before him and he bobbed his head vigorously, folding his fingers over the length that his mouth could not reached and tugged at them rhythmically along with his mouth.

 

Neil let out a string of unintelligible curses as he tried to stop the jerking of his hips because when he did, Andrew had to hold him against the door and his cock lost contact with nimble and strong fingers.

 

“Shit-- Andrew, I--” He gasped, holding his arms in front of his face as his body twitched, and shuddered as Andrew’s mouth was replaced by his skillful hand that was too carefully tracing the vein on his skin and tugging him toward the edge wonderfully.

 

“I’m going to come if you don’t stop,” Neil managed out between his hitch of breaths and jerked in Andrew’s hand.

 

“Then come.” Andrew’s voice was throaty and hoarse and commanding and was just enough to push Neil over the edge as he banged his head against the door, coming hard in calloused hand while chest heaving in sweaty air.

 

Andrew kissed him again, but more languidly and less animalistic as he stripped Neil’s shirt off and tossed it somewhere in the room.

 

“Here, you can put them here, no where else,” Andrew carefully placed Neil’s arms on his shoulders and kissed him again when Neil glided his fingers in Andrew’s hair, against his scalp and playing with the strands at his nape.

 

They kissed for a long time against the door and then Andrew shoved him onto the bed and climbed on top of him with their groins rubbing together. They kissed some more as Neil got hard again when Andrew’s jeans rutted on him the right way. They kissed until Neil’s mouth hurt and Andrew had to tear away in heavy gasps and flipped open his phone.

 

“Will be back before we leave,” He said, rolling his hips once more and Neil couldn’t help the sound that escaped him. Andrew tossed his phone on the floor and almost looked amused to Neil when he stripped off his shirt and his arm bands. There was a slight hesitation as he did the latter when seeing Neil’s stares on the cuts of his arms, but since it wasn’t Neil’s place to say anything, he only folded his arms back, putting his hands behind his head, hoping Andrew understand that Neil will follow the no hands rule until the end and for Andrew to unbutton his jeans faster.

 

Andrew took his sweet time shifting his pants down just below his ass and enough for him to spring his cock free, stroking it with leisure and keeping the rolling of his hips against Neil’s length. He bent down to kiss Neil sloppily with their teeth clanging and muttered in Neil’s ears, kissing his lobe. “Sure hope you brought lube or we’ll be stuck with hand jobs for the whole night,” They were going to do this for the whole night, god, that was the most fantastic promise that Neil ever heard and he nodded desperately “In my jacket,”

 

Neil got rid of his jeans as Andrew got off and bent to grab Neil’s jacket, showing off his firm and nicely shaped ass that Neil fully knew he couldn’t touch. He gulped when Andrew scanned his naked body and slapped the hand around his cock away. He held Neil’s legs up and slipped in between them and laid the condom and the tube of lube on the bed, finger already caressing the puckering hole in front of him.

 

“Yes or no--?”

 

“Always yes,” Neil slurred, moving forward for more contact, but Andrew had already taken his hands away, fumbling with the lube and leaving Neil groaned in frustration.

 

“That’s bullshit,” He said and plunged in a slick finger, prodding the wall to Neil’s ass with care as he watched Neil squirmed on the bed, gripping the sheet with white knuckles.

 

“I’m not a fucking girl, you don’t have to be so gentle,” Neil covered his loud moan when another finger drove into him, spreading him open slowly, unlike the many times he was forced to stretch from the get go. It felt fucking greater when Andrew searched for the bundle of nerve inside him and grazed it with his fingers and Neil wanted to scream at him to hurry the fuck up. But Andrew stretched him further with another finger until Neil was loose, aching and wide open for Andrew.

 

It was another second before condom was on and Andrew was nudging his muscle and pushed in. They both let out a satisfying shuddering when Andrew was fully in and Neil arched up against him. Andrew kissed him and Neil responded like it was second nature. He’d never kiss someone so much during sex and he’d never enjoy it this much. But all of his thoughts vanished as Andrew moved and dove further into him with each thrust, filling Neil up with every bit of him as he increased the pace.

 

Neil closed his eyes and felt the sweat on their skin. He tasted the tanginess in Andrew’s mouth and heard their heavy pants and slaps of skin and sensed fingers gripping his thigh and hip. He let himself go off with worshiping praises and curses and Andrew’s name as he let Andrew unraveled Neil Josten apart without a fight.

 

\--

 

Andrew never fuck anyone twice. But he made an exception for Neil, taking him anyway he could before time was up, before Neil would say ‘no’. But it was always ‘yes’ when Andrew spread him further, ‘yes’ when he bent over with ass in the air when Andrew asked, ‘yes’ when Andrew had him in the cramped shower under the cold, spraying water, tongue exploring the darkest part of him. And in the end he had looked at Andrew with a dangerous adoration in his eyes. Andrew had sat beside him on the bed, pulling on his pants when soft hand tugged at his hair.

 

“You were amazing,” Neil had said with a careless smile before falling to sleep with his towel still on. Andrew set the room’s alarm to four, hoping that’ll be enough for Neil, or whoever he was once the night was gone, to get back to his life before morning come.

 

He didn’t look back at auburn hair that was revealed when they showered nor minded the scratches on his shoulders as he left. Only lighting his last cigarette and drove straight back to the Foxes, forcing the memories from the night out of his turmoil mind. It doesn’t matter, after all they’d never see each other again. He wasn’t interested in seeing Neil again.

 

Days and months passed, and still he saw blue icy eyes staring up at him, heard gasps and his name echoing in his head when the silent of the roof top enveloped him. He felt Neil’s mouth when he put a cigarette on his lips and replayed “You were amazing,” in his mind with the accompanying smile when he closed his eyes. He stopped playing around with Roland and spent more time sparring with Renee and when she asked, he ignored her. He almost forgot about Neil Josten until Wymack opened his door and Neil appeared with Kevin Day leaning against him, holding a bloody bandaged hand to his chest. There were dark circles beneath his blue eyes and a number four still freshly printed on his cheek. He looked haggard even with Kevin almost passing out in front of the apartment.

 

Wymack had cursed and herded them in as he speed dialed Abby. As soon as Wymack was there to tend to the Kevin on the couch, Neil turned to him without a word and Andrew pulled him back into his arms again.

 

“109% Josten, that’s how much I hate you,” And he let Neil buried himself into his neck and let Neil held his back and let himself breathed in sweat and Neil and ignored Wymack's surprise look.

 

He didn’t let Neil go even when Abby came and those who stayed in the summer slowly trickled into Wymack’s living room after her. They settled in a corner, far away from everyone as Neil’s calm breathing soothed the edge in Andrew at Nicky’s unnecessary comment. He still didn’t let Neil go when Kevin was finally coherent enough to explain their situation, glancing toward them sometimes as the occupants in the room paled at his words.

 

Andrew heard a quiet “Yes or no?” below him and nodded without thinking. But Neil only pressed their lips together chastely before removing himself from Andrew and joined Kevin at the center of attention, back straight and strong and voice determined.

 

This one, Andrew decided against everything that happened, against his better judgement and everything that he came to be. He didn’t give a flying a fuck.

 

Neil Josten was his to keep forever.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This gotta be the longest one shot I’ve ever published. Lol only 7k but it took me so long. I hope I didn’t fail too horribly with the sex scenes. I’ve tried my best. DId you notice the QaF references? Haha. Thanks for reading. Leave me kudos and comment if you like!
> 
> -Mii


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